Read Charlotte Canelli's column in the January 16, 2014 edition of the Norwood Transcript and Bulletin.
This
column might be troublesome to read. I
know. It was difficult to write.
The
unthinkable has happened once again to our extended family, one that has been
especially saddened by the loss of now four children. That incomprehensible loss
touched us again just days after Christmas when my husband Gerry's sister's son - and another extended family - lost their precious 2-year
old child, Noah.
It
was only two years ago that Gerry had suffered the loss of another nephew
– gorgeous John, a candidate in a PhD program in California and a young man who
made a room smile simply because he walked into it.
Words
penned by Samuel Rutherford, Scottish theologian and author, sustained us in
this time of sorrow, a time so soon after the festivities of Christmas,
hovering on the promises of a New Year.
That child, Rutherford wrote, “is like unto a star, which going out of
our sight, doth not die and vanish, but shineth in another hemisphere”.
And
yet, after this recent death we could not begin to comprehend it and it will
remain a struggle for all of us forever.
Many
books in the Minuteman Library catalog provide advice
and help to parents and others so that they can begin to
understand, or at least cope with, the loss of a child. Many of these books are
more than ten years old, although there are more recent ones.
“Gone
But Not Lost: Grieving the Death of a Child” by David W. Wiersbe (revised
in 2011) is a suggested offering to a family that has lost a child. Pastor Wiersbe has included all the issues and
questions needed to cope with this grief in his short book of only
128 pages.
“The
Death of a Child” is a compilation of chapters written by those who have
observed or experienced the loss of a child.
It is edited by Peter Stanford, an English journalist. Whether the person stricken with
grief is a parent, a sibling, a friend, or a grandparent, there is much to
be found in the wisdom in this book written by those who have
experienced it.
“A
Broken Heart Still Beats: After Your Young Child Dies” (2000) is edited by Anne
McCracken and Mary Semel, two mothers who experienced this profound loss. The book is full of poetry, essays and
stories that may comfort someone who is coping, and healing. Classic authors include William Shakespeare,
Judith Viorst and William Faulkner.
Well-known parents include George McGovern, Winston Churchill and Eric
Clapton.
One
might be put off by the pragmatic and deliberate title “Healing a
Parent’s Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas after Your Child Dies” (2002) by
Alan D. Wolfelt. Still, sometimes just doing
something deliberate and practical can be helpful. Advice in this book ranges from
writing a journal or letters to creating a Web presence of the
child who has been lost.
The
message is that compassion towards oneself, as a parent, can be healing.
“Beyond
Tears” Living After Losing a Child” by Carol Barkin (2009) includes the
journeys of nine mothers who have lost children. Bereaved parents sometimes need to
hear reassurance from others of hope and life beyond their grief.
A
book written in the past decade is “The Grieving Garden: Living with the
Death of a Child” (2008) by Suzanne Redfern and Susan Gilbert;
both have lost daughters. Others are “I Wasn’t Ready
to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping, and Healing After the Sudden Death of a
Loved One” (2008) by Brook Noel and Pamela D. Blair and “Surviving the Loss of
a Child: Support for Grieving Parents” (2010) by Elizabeth B. Brown.
Some
older books, “When the Bough Breaks:
Forever after the Death of a Son or Daughter” by Judith Bernstein (1997)
and “The Worst Loss: How Families Heal from the Death of a Child” by Barbara
Rosof (1994) both explain that grieving is individual. Men and women grieve differently and in
different stages. “After the Death of a
Child: Living with Loss through the Years” by Ann K. Finkbeiner (1996) agrees
that there is “no recovery” after the loss of a child but learning to live
through and with the pain.
Websites
such as Compassionate Friends.com and SUDC (Sudden Unexpected Death in
Childhood) have online resources and referrals.
However, your library might be the first place to go if you know someone
who has lost a child and you feel the need to understand the most profound
grief there is, the loss of a child. Tuck this column away in your family
bible or another inspirational book and it will be there should you ever need
it.
